Hail Hail the Gangs All Here

Group rides can either be awesome or terrible. Mid May I was talking with the guys and said "hey, we haven't done a 34/Siletz loop in forever, we should do that". The guys told me to put together a FB event and it started snowballing. At first it was just the locals, then a few riders from The Dalles and Eugene pledged to show up. All in all we started with fourteen riders.

I'm no stranger to group rides and I've witnessed most of the stereotypes of group rides that exist. There's been rides where some people go so slow the group has time for three cigarettes while waiting at an intersection; there's been rides where the ride leader encourages me to leave the ride because I'm a faster rider than he is. I've seen people crash on rides, bikes run out of gas, and county sheriffs disbanding a group before it even goes kickstands up.

This ride went off, dare I say, flawlessly. One ride member volunteered to lead... on a Kawi 650 dirt bike. I cracked up "are you going to lead that" I point to the 2015 R1 "with that?" I point to the dirt bike. Suffice to say we passed him pretty quickly and he ended up leading the group of non-supersport bikes.

Our token jackrabbits ran ahead to clear the way and we all enjoyed a fairly low-traffic run out 34. Us at the Sea-Wall in Waldport.

 

We continued on 101/Beavercreek/101 to the South Beach Fish Market for chow. Bay View to Beavercreek is in crappy shape, but Beavercreek has had some recent work done.

Then we took a nap while riding up 101 to Siletz HWY.

Siletz HWY would be one of the best sportbiking HWY in Oregon except for that its falling apart. Many parts of it are sinking leaving fissures and cracks that my suspension does NOT like. What is more, I lost my rear wheelweight somehow on Siletz. I thought I was just freaking out and thats why I didn't feel connected to the road but nope, my rear wheel was bouncing.

After Siletz is Logsdon road. Logsdon is really cool except its falling apart in places and theres a 2 mile stretch of gravel up and over a hill. The riders with new and pretty bikes elected to ride out to HWY 20 and meet us later instead of going dirtbiking. Our last stop was in Blodgett for ice cream and more camaraderie.

Where my wheel weight used to be

Now the hard part, trying to make sense of the two hours of helmet cam footage.

Why motorcycle journalism sucks... and always will

Motorcycle journalism sucks... and always will.

While jaw-jacking and bench racing about bikes with people inevitably someone makes some quip about so and so in some magazine said such. Being the toxic individual I am I'm quick to point out that they are in fact bench racing a bike they'll never be able to afford and absolutely never be able to ride at even 9/10ths of its limit on the track. Usually the conversation takes a turn at that point and unless they're one of my fellow toxic riders that can take an insult, I'm cut out of the conversation.

My biggest inspiration in writing is the late Hunter S Thompson. Stylistically his writing was fantastic. His first and second person style that pulls the reader into the scene is rarely duplicated and his acidic honesty about the hypocrisy in the system would be out of place in any kind of mainstream politically correct magazine. What do I mean? Good luck trying to publish "The Song of the Sausage Creature" in Rider Magazine or Road Racing World today.

When was the last time you read a review of a new sport motorcycle that included a passage about how the bike was too damn powerful for the street and that you were going to crash it and end up fucked up for life. Seriously go google "Song of the Sausage Creature" and read it, I'll wait.

How does this relate to my assertion that moto-journalism sucks and always will? Go to your local big box store and visit the magazine aisle. Pick up a few different glossy papered magazines. Flip through the pages of a Sport Bike magazine, then a general motorcycle magazine, then a Bagger magazine. Now pick up "Guns and Ammo" and "SCUBA Diving" and flip through those.

Do you detect a pattern? The magazines are fifty percent ads and the rest is mostly gear or service reviews. Where's the content? What content would even sell? Obviously any magazine sold by one of the three major media outlets in the world has to be a commercial enterprise, it has to sell copies and be able to sell ad space. To sell copies at your local magazine rack it needs to have flashy pictures of the latest industry toys because thats what people will see. If I as a consumer look at
the articles I'm not real likely to buy the magazine as if I just glance at the pretty pictures on the way to the check out counter.

Thats the first point, money. Print journalism isn't about telling stories and inspiring people its about selling products.Now before you assume I'm going to spend this whole post complaining about capitalism ruining journalism and quoting Noam Chomsky, I'm not. Noam Chomsky is a dick head.

Moto Journalism mostly sucks because of risk. At every step of the production of an issue there are people and entities that won't accept the risk of publishing something good. Lets talk about any given review for a new bike and a review for a new set of sportbike tires. Most written reviews follow the same format; they describe the lineage of the product, artfully repeat the marketing material or press release, and then they talk about using it if the writer was lucky enough to go to a press day for the product.

During a press event for a new bike the press get just enough time on the bike to get some photos, video, and an idea of whether the highlighted features from the marketing material actually exist or not. Its not practical for Yamaha or Ducati to hand over a $20k bike to me for the summer and let me run it through its paces on group rides, track days, and super-touring for the sake of a thousand words about what its like to actually own the machine. They'll sell plenty of R1s without Tim telling the world whether he regrets buying it or not.

Take for example the recent Motorcycle USA review of the 2015 S1000RR by Adam Waheed. Its a video review which basically says that the bike is awesome and all the electronic gizmos are sweet. OK, that sounds just like every other review of 2015 sportbikes, ever. Then look at the video where he crashes the S1000RR during the test, thats where the honesty in journalism almost happens. It just wouldn't be OK for Adam to come out on video and say that the lean sensitive ABS on the bike is
what tucked the front end and caused the crash. Its up to the viewer to discern this and realize that no amount of over-hyped electronics can make a bike 100% crash proof.

I'm going to pick on Motorcycle USA and Adam again and point to their 2015 sportbike tire shootout. This is the best piece of journalism I've ever seen. The test rider doesn't know what tires he's testing and he honestly gives opinions that aren't necessarily positive. Personally I'd like to see more test reviews like that where the reviewer isn't afraid to say something negative about a product.

Any outlet's product journalism has to avoid three risks. First the risk of the manufacturer and their money/product. I'm sure BMW was at least a little bummed when Mr. Waheed wadded up their bike. Two the risk of losing advertising dollars because someone says that the newest bike has a seat that is excruciatingly painful or that the newest helmet is terrible. Third is the risk to product testers. Sure product testers are a dime a dozen, look on a local forum and ask for people to test the latest R1 and you'd have a thousand applications, but it would look really bad if SportBike Magazine got a reputation for its writers crashing and hurting themselves all the time.

Another risk factor that no profit oriented business can ignore is political correctness. While it might be OK for a left handed lesbian eskimo with Autism to write an op-ed against the white man's culture complete with interviews on Good Morning America and the requisite amount of ruffled feathers from the right wing, it is not OK for Tim Jensen a white heterosexual male with a bachelor's degree that works in Corporate-IT to write an entertaining op-ed openly talking about violating traffic laws for fun.

In the middle 60's Hunter S. Thompson rode a Triumph Lightning 650 all over California. Among his adventures he took LSD, shot guns, rode with the Hells Angels, and nearly died in a motorcycle crash. You can read about it in his book "The Hells Angels", which I highly recommend. Most of the vignettes from that book would have just as much of a chance of getting published in a modern glossy magazine as "Song of the Sausage Creature" would. Nobody would take the risk. SportBike magazine or Rider magazine wouldn't want to risk the reputation of being part of a dangerous not politically correct sub culture by publishing something like my story of riding a beat up R6 around Southern Oregon violating traffic laws and moral edicts.

I'll tell you the truth because I have nothing to lose by it. Nobody pays me to write, which is also why I'm so irregular about it. If you want marketing and pretty pictures go pick up a glossy magazine. If you want honesty go read a blog.

What its like to actually own the bolt

What its like to actually own the Yamaha Bolt

I've had the Bolt in my garage for almost a year and 4500 miles so I think I can probably give you an honest judgement on it. Last year I bought it basically so I could go on a slow highway tour with my family and so I could have a bike that would be comfortable to ride at legal speeds on the highways. As my skill level on a super-sport increases, so does my risk of getting higher tickets because it just isn't fun to ride at 55mph in a 55mph zone.

In the objective of slowing me down its been successful. When I twist the throttle on the Bolt I get a rush of v-twin torque and noise. Its fun in the same way shooting a shotgun from the hip at a line of bowling pins is fun. It is however not fast. OK, so "fast" is really relative. The power to weight ratio is insane compared to say, my Pontiac G6, but tame compared to my CBR-600RR. The Bolt will go triple digits indicated, but its spent and winded above 85 where as my SuperSport is just
getting started at 85.

Just the other day I led a group ride through some twisties. The group consisted of a SFV-650, Vulcan 800, Harley Davidson Street 750, and me on the Bolt. Its more fun to ride a slow bike fast than a fast bike slow. Most of the way I was riding fast, I scraped my pegs on more than one corner. Mostly I was keeping quite a lead on the other bikes. I thought I was being hot-stuff.

A week later I went on a ride with two Super Sports and realized that the Bolt is in fact, not fast. I realized I could push it and keep my average speed in the 80s, but there was no way my corner speed and acceleration could match the Sportbikes and I slowed my pace down to 55-60 where the bike is more comfortable.

So in fact I've just proven to myself something I already knew about the nature of cruisers vs sportbikes. It only took me a few thousand dollars of cruiser ownership to do that. Compared to the other cruisers I've ridden its quick and nimble, compared to a sportbike it isn't. Well... duh.

But that isn't why you get a cruiser. You buy a cruiser because of an image obsession right? You've watched Sons of Anarchy too much and you want to look like Jax Teller rolling down the road with white sneakers, a leather vest, and a skid lid helmet. Or maybe you get a little cruiser with a big engine because it looks like something you custom built in your garage and looks really cool to ride through downtown in your vintage leather jacket, 3/4 vintage look helmet, skinny jeans, and Doc Martin work boots. Either way it'll look really cool to lean against the Bolt smoking your
cigarette, showing off your beard with your waif-thin tattooed art-student girlfriend next to you.

The Bolt is definitely cool to pose next to and fun to ride. I get complimented on it everywhere I go. So whats wrong with it? The answer is nothing, unless you have unrealistic expectations for any bike to be the perfect do-everything bike.

Do not expect the Bolt to be a touring bike. The Yamaha luggage options are tiny and overpriced. Because of the placement of the rear turn signals is practically impossible to put any kind of aftermarket saddlebags or tailbags on it. If you ruin the aesthetic by adding a sissy bar you can strap a backpack to it. Another mark against it in the touring category are the ergonomics. The bike is nice and low and easy to swing a leg over for a quick run around town. It is not comfortable on a long ride. My tailbone and butt are killing me after an hour in the saddle. Using an Air-Hawk seat pad only works for a little while because of the low seat, it focuses the pressure and deflates the pressure points. I bought a Mustang seat which extends my ride time to a few hours
instead of 45 minutes, but it isn't a 400 mile/day ride, at all. The last strike in the touring category is the diminutive 3.5g gas tank. A larger tank wouldn't look right on the skinny Bolt. At least it gets 50-55mpg. Oh, and the gauge cluster is difficult to read in bright light.

OK so the bike isn't a SuperSport and isn't a touring bike. What does it do well? Its fun and easy to ride on short trips and day trips. Thats it. It doesn't have the legs for multi-day trips, but if you just want to ride for half an hour after work where you don't have time to seek out twisty roads, its a great bike.

Of course I'd be lying if I didn't point out that I'm thinking about trading it in for a sport-tourer like a VFR or the new FJ-09.

Springtime

They say that motorcyclists are like mushrooms, as soon as the rain stops they come out. In western Oregon if you don't like the weather in the springtime, wait five minutes and it'll be different. The converse is true also, if you do like the weather in five minutes it might be raining again.

At some point every spring I just say screw it, accept the rain, and ride anyways. At least its warmed up enough that I don't feel hypothermia after a ride without heated gear. With the weather around here it might be dry in one valley and wet in the next, you never know. The weather forecast is as much voodoo as trying to determine why torque feels good to the soul.

I've ridden in the pouring rain before. Rain and mist so heavy that the only way to keep my visor clear is to ride 90 miles per hour and use the air off my windscreen to blast the water droplets away. Then there's the rain so torrential that small rivers of running water appear at the apex of every corner, reminding me that worn out track tires are a poor fall touring choice.

Just because I'll do it doesn't mean I prefer it. Sometimes parked motorcycle syndrome (PMS) is so strong that I go riding in horrific weather just to satisfy wanderlust and satiate my office worker dissatisfaction with life.

Motorcycle racing in the rain sucks. Watching those races from a nice dry warm couch is awesome. Its mind blowing that GP racers can put down wet lap times faster than my dry lap times, drag knee in the rain, and still manage to keep rain tires warm. It also randomizes the race so that it isn't the reigning world champion who will for sure finish first. Last year in a race that turned wet halfway through Marc Marquez, the statistical favorite for the race, pushed his slicks instead of pitting in to change to a wet bike, costing him the race. A few years before when Rossi was fighting with the frameless Ducati GP bike (2012) he scored his first podium of the season in a wet race. For some reason it didn't matter that the Ducati wouldn't handle correctly when it was wet and being ridden like a flat track racer sliding into and out of every corner.

I got to have a new experience a few weeks ago. I have been riding since 2010 and this year was the first year I'd ever gotten a puncture in a tire. While stopped for a rest stop during a ride I noticed a nail in my rear tire, probably from all the new construction going on in my area.

Naturally my repair kit was in my tailbag, at home. I posted about it on FaceBook then rode home at a very reasonable pace, the whole time monitoring how the back felt, for signs of deflation. I got home without incident, pulled the nail and plugged the tire. There's no good timing ever for a tire puncture, but at least this rear was down to the wear bars and due for replacement anyways. In the future my repair kit is staying in my tank bag on the bike.

Now the big question is do I put on my half used Pilot Powers from last season or put on the new Avon Ultrasports?

Adventures on the First Coast Run of the Year

Going into the weekend I was looking for something interesting to do since the weather forecast promised no rain. The only idea I had was to go on the Road Maggots M.C. poker run. I've never been on a poker run so I thought "why not?".

Then Friday night one of the Brat Pack suggested a coast run to which I replied "hell yeah". I haven't gotten enough HWY 34 in my life lately and the last time I did I got a speeding ticket.

Late Saturday morning I buzzed out to our meeting spot in Philomath. I spotted a CBR1000RR and an FZ6 parked there so I parked next to them and went in. There I met a nice couple from Eugene and we discussed routes and winter gear (you meet the nicest people on a Honda) while I waited for my buddy.

We took our usual route out Decker to 34. The county has fixed Decker nicely. The ride out was nice. Nothing really of note. The road was wet, the traffic was slow, but what do you expect on a Saturday in January?

On the way back I got ahead quite a bit. After waiting at Alsea for what seemed like forever I turned back took look for my buddy. I found him, he was riding, but we didn't pull over to discuss what happened (as it turns out his tire plug had come loose).

Anyways nothing else of note, light was failing, traffic through Corvallis was stop and go due to a sporting event, and we separated. On HWY 20 I went to pass a slow vehicle and my bike stalled while wide open throttle during the pass. I pulled off the road and started troubleshooting.

http://youtu.be/h3yJlL04o8o

I called my girlfriend to pick me up so I could get my trailer. She ferried me home, I changed, got my trailer hooked up and headed back to the highway.

Not the fun kind (track days) of trailering.

I got my bike home and put away and went on with my evening. As it turns out my bike had merely run out of gas. There are two lessons to learn from this: 1. gas gauges can be wrong and 2. use the trip meter!

Winter sucks.

I'm thankful for heated gear, warm base layers, balaclavas, and the occasional dry enough day to ride. Not that it happens much. I'm going stir crazy here. Going to the gym regularly helps but not enough.

Recently I had the idea that we (the boys) should take a spring road trip. My initial thought was to run Hwy 3 down to HWY 36 in Northern California. Then reality (my dad) said that HWY 3 will probably still be in bad shape in spring. He suggested that we instead to a run down to San Francisco for a photo op.

So that's the tentative plan. Looking forward to it. I could go to a shakedown day at T-Hill sometime this winter, but the logistics on that would suck.

The most riding I've done lately is two miles out to bike night.

Two lovely rider ladies playing with my bikes at my Solstice party.

For an enthusiast like me the Winter Solstice is a bigger deal than Christmas, New Years, and Thanksgiving combined. It means a turning point, more light in the day, and a countdown until the nice riding season is at hand. Although technically the 21st of December is the start of Winter, in the Pacific Northwest Winter really starts in Mid November. The 21st of December is the reminder that the sun god will return, as will MotoGP parties, Pre-Rides, TrackDays, Sport Touring, and minivans holding us up in the corners.

Corvallis Oregon is a unique place. It is the juxtaposition of the rural and agricultural roots of Oregon with the modern University town growing too fast for its own good. One quite unique facet of Corvallis is a parking ordinance dating to 1971 that prohibits motorcycles from parking in a normal automobile parking spot in downtown (which there were no available committee minutes to support the reasoning). Corvallis has a handful of motorcycle spots in the corners of downtown.

This ordinance is intermittently enforced and is not indicated with signs anywhere in downtown. This ordinance is also unique in that no other Oregon city has one. In summer of 2014 the parking enforcement lady ticketed my friend Paula. Paula happens to be politically active and a legislative director of BikePAC (political action committee) of Oregon.

Fast forward to January. Paula raised enough hell with the downtown subcommittee that they added an agenda item to review the ordinance at their next meeting. Paula used social media to make sure hundreds of motorcyclists in the Linn-Benton-Lane area knew about the ordinance and the meeting.

My pictures don't do it justice. There were 50+ bikes at the meeting. Ten of us (including me) gave comment during the public comment portion. Two community members asked the committee to keep the ban in place. The committee voted to recommend repealing the ban to the CC.

NorCal trip 2014

Once again I had the opportunity to take a last hurrah trip with my dad. The plan followed a similar format as last year but with some different roads.
Friday I slept in and hit the road late. The weather was gloomy and cold, but my heated gear worked perfectly. Territorial HWY has a lot of tree debris right now so I elected to burn slab down to Grants Pass. At Canyonville I cut off the slab and ran Tiller HWY. I had heard that the torn up section up top had been fixed. Tiller was clear, the pavement at the top was new, and only a few corners had wet leaves. More or less a win. I took a break in Shady Cove after giving myself a scare at Tiller/62, proof that highway hypnosis can happen even on twisty roads. From Shady Cove I burned up Sams Valley/Gold Hill hwy, then I-5 on into Grants Pass. Nothing terribly of note for the day. I dragged my sister in law out for coffee, then we all had dinner, drinks, and passed out for the night.

Saturday I burned slab Grants Pass to Ashland to meet my dad. We fueled up and said bye to Mom who had come out to see us off.

Dad and I ran down I-5 to HWY 96. Just like last year I ran ahead at that point. HWY 96 has some new patch work but otherwise is slowly degrading. Also like last year we had pizza in Happy Camp. Nothing really to note, although Happy Camp is one of those cities where people like us feel really out of place.

Hwy 96 south of Happy Camp is lots of fun. The section just north of Hoopa is recently re-paved, which is awesome because its nicely twisty.

We fueled up at Willow Creek. Willow Creek seems to be the stopping point for all the hitch hiking Rastafarian-looking youths traveling out to Eureka and Humbolt.

Hwy 299 is a lot of fun. There is a LEO presence though so I had to keep my speed in check. After Weaverville light was fading fast and I made as much ground as I could. Unfortunately I was coming down Buckhorn grade in the dark, with lots of traffic coming towards me. Going through twisties in the dark, downhill, with oncoming lights isn't fun.

After checking into a Motel 6 (slightly better than the one in Eureka, still smelled bad) in the ghetto and putting all my luggage inside we went and ate In N Out, the only reason one could ever have for visiting Redding.

Rather than take our chances with staying in Redding any longer than absolutely necessary we elected to blast up to Weaverville for breakfast. Diners in small tourist towns always have the best breakfast right?

Out of Redding the weather was beautiful and sunny. I ran up Buckhorn grade at a very respectable clip and ran right into a cloud. Right on the other side of the summit the entire valley was socked in a thick cold cloud. I came down the other side of the grade thankful for my D616 tires, my heated gear, and that my Icon gloves have a visor wiper built into the left glove.

At Weaverville we stopped at a little restaurant called The Nugget. Both of us ordered something that included Biscuits and Gravy. One thing almost nobody in the restaurant business screws up is good ol' B&G. When our meals arrived the B&G was cold. Like just out of the fridge cold.

We complained to the waitress who microwaved it then stuck her finger in it to test the temperature.

Out of Weaverville on HWY 3 we were still in the cloud for twenty minutes then climbed out of it into the Trinity mountains. This section of 3 has a lot of tar snakes, but thanks to the cool weather it wasn't an issue. The road is nice and curvy, I had a lot of fun. Its depressing riding by what the signs refer to as lakes and seeing nothing but a hole in the ground with rock piles. I guess the drought is worse than I thought. I blame the Prius drivers.

Eventually I got to Scott Mt. Everyone I'd talked to about HWY 3 always mentioned a section where you're in first gear in switchbacks up a mountain. This was that section. Its steep with switchbacks. It also has a very nice view.

If you do HWY 3, do yourself a favor and go South to North. Going uphill through this is more fun than going downhill would be.

On the other side of Scott Mt I dropped down into Scott valley and it got cold again. Just past Callahan it got colder and foggy. This part of the ride wasn't fun. The roads weren't twisty, it was cold, and there was a bit of farming traffic. I made hast to get through it.

Refueled in Yreka, observed the local druggy transients, and druggy HD riders, hit I-5 back to GP.

Turkey dinner with family, then food coma.

Monday morning, sleep in, then depart with dad up I-5. We narrowly missed getting tickets in Douglas county by the OSP. Breakfast at Canonyville. Dad departed south, I burned up North.

Just past Roseburg the cold northern wind hit me. You know the one, it smells like snow. I turned up my heated gear and tucked behind my CBR's diminutive windscreen.

My last stop before home was to get some ethanol free gas. I probably won't get to ride much for the next couple months and I don't want e10 gumming up my fuel system.

All in all a good ride. Northern California has a lot of great roads to offer and November is past the tourist season.

I think I finally found the right winter gear. The  two exceptions are my helmet and my jacket. My helmet fits perfectly, which doesn't leave any room for my balaclava, which means my head is cold when its cold out. The other is my new Fly winter jacket. It came with some seams open, and other seams opened up during the trip, They weren't catastrophic failures, but it sucks that they have QC issues like that.

Tomorrow once more into the breach.