Why motorcycle journalism sucks... and always will

Motorcycle journalism sucks... and always will.

While jaw-jacking and bench racing about bikes with people inevitably someone makes some quip about so and so in some magazine said such. Being the toxic individual I am I'm quick to point out that they are in fact bench racing a bike they'll never be able to afford and absolutely never be able to ride at even 9/10ths of its limit on the track. Usually the conversation takes a turn at that point and unless they're one of my fellow toxic riders that can take an insult, I'm cut out of the conversation.

My biggest inspiration in writing is the late Hunter S Thompson. Stylistically his writing was fantastic. His first and second person style that pulls the reader into the scene is rarely duplicated and his acidic honesty about the hypocrisy in the system would be out of place in any kind of mainstream politically correct magazine. What do I mean? Good luck trying to publish "The Song of the Sausage Creature" in Rider Magazine or Road Racing World today.

When was the last time you read a review of a new sport motorcycle that included a passage about how the bike was too damn powerful for the street and that you were going to crash it and end up fucked up for life. Seriously go google "Song of the Sausage Creature" and read it, I'll wait.

How does this relate to my assertion that moto-journalism sucks and always will? Go to your local big box store and visit the magazine aisle. Pick up a few different glossy papered magazines. Flip through the pages of a Sport Bike magazine, then a general motorcycle magazine, then a Bagger magazine. Now pick up "Guns and Ammo" and "SCUBA Diving" and flip through those.

Do you detect a pattern? The magazines are fifty percent ads and the rest is mostly gear or service reviews. Where's the content? What content would even sell? Obviously any magazine sold by one of the three major media outlets in the world has to be a commercial enterprise, it has to sell copies and be able to sell ad space. To sell copies at your local magazine rack it needs to have flashy pictures of the latest industry toys because thats what people will see. If I as a consumer look at
the articles I'm not real likely to buy the magazine as if I just glance at the pretty pictures on the way to the check out counter.

Thats the first point, money. Print journalism isn't about telling stories and inspiring people its about selling products.Now before you assume I'm going to spend this whole post complaining about capitalism ruining journalism and quoting Noam Chomsky, I'm not. Noam Chomsky is a dick head.

Moto Journalism mostly sucks because of risk. At every step of the production of an issue there are people and entities that won't accept the risk of publishing something good. Lets talk about any given review for a new bike and a review for a new set of sportbike tires. Most written reviews follow the same format; they describe the lineage of the product, artfully repeat the marketing material or press release, and then they talk about using it if the writer was lucky enough to go to a press day for the product.

During a press event for a new bike the press get just enough time on the bike to get some photos, video, and an idea of whether the highlighted features from the marketing material actually exist or not. Its not practical for Yamaha or Ducati to hand over a $20k bike to me for the summer and let me run it through its paces on group rides, track days, and super-touring for the sake of a thousand words about what its like to actually own the machine. They'll sell plenty of R1s without Tim telling the world whether he regrets buying it or not.

Take for example the recent Motorcycle USA review of the 2015 S1000RR by Adam Waheed. Its a video review which basically says that the bike is awesome and all the electronic gizmos are sweet. OK, that sounds just like every other review of 2015 sportbikes, ever. Then look at the video where he crashes the S1000RR during the test, thats where the honesty in journalism almost happens. It just wouldn't be OK for Adam to come out on video and say that the lean sensitive ABS on the bike is
what tucked the front end and caused the crash. Its up to the viewer to discern this and realize that no amount of over-hyped electronics can make a bike 100% crash proof.

I'm going to pick on Motorcycle USA and Adam again and point to their 2015 sportbike tire shootout. This is the best piece of journalism I've ever seen. The test rider doesn't know what tires he's testing and he honestly gives opinions that aren't necessarily positive. Personally I'd like to see more test reviews like that where the reviewer isn't afraid to say something negative about a product.

Any outlet's product journalism has to avoid three risks. First the risk of the manufacturer and their money/product. I'm sure BMW was at least a little bummed when Mr. Waheed wadded up their bike. Two the risk of losing advertising dollars because someone says that the newest bike has a seat that is excruciatingly painful or that the newest helmet is terrible. Third is the risk to product testers. Sure product testers are a dime a dozen, look on a local forum and ask for people to test the latest R1 and you'd have a thousand applications, but it would look really bad if SportBike Magazine got a reputation for its writers crashing and hurting themselves all the time.

Another risk factor that no profit oriented business can ignore is political correctness. While it might be OK for a left handed lesbian eskimo with Autism to write an op-ed against the white man's culture complete with interviews on Good Morning America and the requisite amount of ruffled feathers from the right wing, it is not OK for Tim Jensen a white heterosexual male with a bachelor's degree that works in Corporate-IT to write an entertaining op-ed openly talking about violating traffic laws for fun.

In the middle 60's Hunter S. Thompson rode a Triumph Lightning 650 all over California. Among his adventures he took LSD, shot guns, rode with the Hells Angels, and nearly died in a motorcycle crash. You can read about it in his book "The Hells Angels", which I highly recommend. Most of the vignettes from that book would have just as much of a chance of getting published in a modern glossy magazine as "Song of the Sausage Creature" would. Nobody would take the risk. SportBike magazine or Rider magazine wouldn't want to risk the reputation of being part of a dangerous not politically correct sub culture by publishing something like my story of riding a beat up R6 around Southern Oregon violating traffic laws and moral edicts.

I'll tell you the truth because I have nothing to lose by it. Nobody pays me to write, which is also why I'm so irregular about it. If you want marketing and pretty pictures go pick up a glossy magazine. If you want honesty go read a blog.

What its like to actually own the bolt

What its like to actually own the Yamaha Bolt

I've had the Bolt in my garage for almost a year and 4500 miles so I think I can probably give you an honest judgement on it. Last year I bought it basically so I could go on a slow highway tour with my family and so I could have a bike that would be comfortable to ride at legal speeds on the highways. As my skill level on a super-sport increases, so does my risk of getting higher tickets because it just isn't fun to ride at 55mph in a 55mph zone.

In the objective of slowing me down its been successful. When I twist the throttle on the Bolt I get a rush of v-twin torque and noise. Its fun in the same way shooting a shotgun from the hip at a line of bowling pins is fun. It is however not fast. OK, so "fast" is really relative. The power to weight ratio is insane compared to say, my Pontiac G6, but tame compared to my CBR-600RR. The Bolt will go triple digits indicated, but its spent and winded above 85 where as my SuperSport is just
getting started at 85.

Just the other day I led a group ride through some twisties. The group consisted of a SFV-650, Vulcan 800, Harley Davidson Street 750, and me on the Bolt. Its more fun to ride a slow bike fast than a fast bike slow. Most of the way I was riding fast, I scraped my pegs on more than one corner. Mostly I was keeping quite a lead on the other bikes. I thought I was being hot-stuff.

A week later I went on a ride with two Super Sports and realized that the Bolt is in fact, not fast. I realized I could push it and keep my average speed in the 80s, but there was no way my corner speed and acceleration could match the Sportbikes and I slowed my pace down to 55-60 where the bike is more comfortable.

So in fact I've just proven to myself something I already knew about the nature of cruisers vs sportbikes. It only took me a few thousand dollars of cruiser ownership to do that. Compared to the other cruisers I've ridden its quick and nimble, compared to a sportbike it isn't. Well... duh.

But that isn't why you get a cruiser. You buy a cruiser because of an image obsession right? You've watched Sons of Anarchy too much and you want to look like Jax Teller rolling down the road with white sneakers, a leather vest, and a skid lid helmet. Or maybe you get a little cruiser with a big engine because it looks like something you custom built in your garage and looks really cool to ride through downtown in your vintage leather jacket, 3/4 vintage look helmet, skinny jeans, and Doc Martin work boots. Either way it'll look really cool to lean against the Bolt smoking your
cigarette, showing off your beard with your waif-thin tattooed art-student girlfriend next to you.

The Bolt is definitely cool to pose next to and fun to ride. I get complimented on it everywhere I go. So whats wrong with it? The answer is nothing, unless you have unrealistic expectations for any bike to be the perfect do-everything bike.

Do not expect the Bolt to be a touring bike. The Yamaha luggage options are tiny and overpriced. Because of the placement of the rear turn signals is practically impossible to put any kind of aftermarket saddlebags or tailbags on it. If you ruin the aesthetic by adding a sissy bar you can strap a backpack to it. Another mark against it in the touring category are the ergonomics. The bike is nice and low and easy to swing a leg over for a quick run around town. It is not comfortable on a long ride. My tailbone and butt are killing me after an hour in the saddle. Using an Air-Hawk seat pad only works for a little while because of the low seat, it focuses the pressure and deflates the pressure points. I bought a Mustang seat which extends my ride time to a few hours
instead of 45 minutes, but it isn't a 400 mile/day ride, at all. The last strike in the touring category is the diminutive 3.5g gas tank. A larger tank wouldn't look right on the skinny Bolt. At least it gets 50-55mpg. Oh, and the gauge cluster is difficult to read in bright light.

OK so the bike isn't a SuperSport and isn't a touring bike. What does it do well? Its fun and easy to ride on short trips and day trips. Thats it. It doesn't have the legs for multi-day trips, but if you just want to ride for half an hour after work where you don't have time to seek out twisty roads, its a great bike.

Of course I'd be lying if I didn't point out that I'm thinking about trading it in for a sport-tourer like a VFR or the new FJ-09.

Springtime

They say that motorcyclists are like mushrooms, as soon as the rain stops they come out. In western Oregon if you don't like the weather in the springtime, wait five minutes and it'll be different. The converse is true also, if you do like the weather in five minutes it might be raining again.

At some point every spring I just say screw it, accept the rain, and ride anyways. At least its warmed up enough that I don't feel hypothermia after a ride without heated gear. With the weather around here it might be dry in one valley and wet in the next, you never know. The weather forecast is as much voodoo as trying to determine why torque feels good to the soul.

I've ridden in the pouring rain before. Rain and mist so heavy that the only way to keep my visor clear is to ride 90 miles per hour and use the air off my windscreen to blast the water droplets away. Then there's the rain so torrential that small rivers of running water appear at the apex of every corner, reminding me that worn out track tires are a poor fall touring choice.

Just because I'll do it doesn't mean I prefer it. Sometimes parked motorcycle syndrome (PMS) is so strong that I go riding in horrific weather just to satisfy wanderlust and satiate my office worker dissatisfaction with life.

Motorcycle racing in the rain sucks. Watching those races from a nice dry warm couch is awesome. Its mind blowing that GP racers can put down wet lap times faster than my dry lap times, drag knee in the rain, and still manage to keep rain tires warm. It also randomizes the race so that it isn't the reigning world champion who will for sure finish first. Last year in a race that turned wet halfway through Marc Marquez, the statistical favorite for the race, pushed his slicks instead of pitting in to change to a wet bike, costing him the race. A few years before when Rossi was fighting with the frameless Ducati GP bike (2012) he scored his first podium of the season in a wet race. For some reason it didn't matter that the Ducati wouldn't handle correctly when it was wet and being ridden like a flat track racer sliding into and out of every corner.

I got to have a new experience a few weeks ago. I have been riding since 2010 and this year was the first year I'd ever gotten a puncture in a tire. While stopped for a rest stop during a ride I noticed a nail in my rear tire, probably from all the new construction going on in my area.

Naturally my repair kit was in my tailbag, at home. I posted about it on FaceBook then rode home at a very reasonable pace, the whole time monitoring how the back felt, for signs of deflation. I got home without incident, pulled the nail and plugged the tire. There's no good timing ever for a tire puncture, but at least this rear was down to the wear bars and due for replacement anyways. In the future my repair kit is staying in my tank bag on the bike.

Now the big question is do I put on my half used Pilot Powers from last season or put on the new Avon Ultrasports?